Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Stay at home mom's v The WORLD!

Ok I need to vent a little today. I know the mommy bloggers will be supportive on the subject on SAHM v Working Moms. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with either choice, it's a personal and family specific decision. Oh course here in Scrap book island SAHMs are the majority and working moms still cater highly to their children's lives. I often forget until I leave the island how brutal and hurtful some peoples options of SAHMs can be. Long ago I started answering the question "what do you do all day" with " I take bubble baths and eat bon bons" and I walk away. This has really been bothersome to me ever since I had my daughter. Maybe because on the whole my husbands social group is highly educated, successful and don't have children. At least thats the case of the one's who make me feel like a second class citizen for being a SAHM.

A while back I had a very ruff night of sitting at a table with one such person. She even went as far as to snub the girl next to me thinking we were SHAMs together or just plain snubbed her for being with a person she has zero respect for. Funny when she learned the girl with me is a lawyer her whole demeanor changed, towards her at least.

After being offered a job last week and turning it down, I was reminded of this night by my husband. My blood started to boil and I decided to vent here.

Dear Dr. Judgmental,
Don’t think you were not beyond obvious at the dinner table when you literally talked over my head because you feel I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. You are correct in the fact that I don’t work, you are correct in the fact that I don’t hold a doctorate degree but I am by NO stretch of the imagination am I uneducated. If your so smart than why can’t you figure out that it’s not what you “do” for a living that makes you  worthy of conversation. If you spent less time judging me for “not working” and a little more time getting to know me you would understand you might just not know what you are talking about. 
Dr. you are entitled to your opinion but that should not excuse you from having some manors. Congratulations on your successful medical practice. See it’s easy be supportive of your fellow womankind. You need not be a frigid bitch and snub your nose to stay at home moms. You don’t have any children and maybe when you do I’ll snub my nose at you for having a nanny raise your children for you. Get off your peddle stool and try the age old “until you walk a mile in my shoes” 
How come if I stay at home with me child I’m considered not working but if I employ a nanny to do my exact same job she is considered working? So because she gets paid to do it she gets more respect? 
I can respect the wonderful work you do for your patients but I have no respect for you as a woman. Here is my wish for you Dr., I hope one of these days you give birth to a beautiful baby and fall madly in love as mothers do. It is then that you will finally start to understand my world. I hope for you that you understand their is no better caretaker for your child than yourself. Even if you don’t become a SAHM I know you will understand the women who choose to. It is then that I will feel you  have something to contribute to a conversation. Because it will not be until then that you have any right to judge. 
You know what my job is Dr? I’m my daughters mother and damn proud of it! 


  1. What a great post!

    It is a struggle for women, on both sides of the coin. I think *SOME* women that work judge SAHM's and some SAHM's judge working mommy's. I just wish everyone would just respect each others decisions. We all do what is the very best for our fams!

    You are a great mommy and should never be treated or feel like less than a person because you are a SAHM, working overtime with no pay, but lots of benefits! :)

  2. By the time that woman ever has kids she will probaly be one of those parents that would LOVE to stay home with her child but won't be able to. She will be the one having to work just to pay for snobby lifestyle she has built!!...Then she will envy YOU!!!!....and she will miss the first steps and all the other so many priceless events we as SAHM's get to cherish!!!!

  3. Well said Amber! Hubby and I will start trying to conceive this month and I'm consumed with trying to decide whether or not to stay home or continue working. I always said I would be a working mother but now I would like nothing more than to be a stay at home mom. What a blessing to be able to watch your child grow, be their mother and teacher. I want to be the one that gives my child the structure they need and not a day care. I want my child to go to school to learn and develop social skills, not because I need a babysitter. In my heart my decision is to stay home but my bank account may tell us otherwise. Thanks so much for sharing! You're an inspiration.

  4. Dalia, it's such a personal decision. And like I said u till you give birth and look into tour childs eyes it's hard to understand. Sounds like you are already far ahead of most! Working moms are great moms. It's the being judged no mater which side you are on that's hard.
    If you work people think you heartless and why have kids if your not goi g to raise them. If you stay home your mindless and not working. Seriously people think I take baths, play golf and point my finger. Obviously these people don't have kids. It's a double edged sward. But you will know what's right for your family and that's the RIGHT choice!
    Look forward to hearing about your journey to motherhood!


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